(Most of these Redneck Jokes can be attributed to Jeff Foxworthy)
You think the last words to
The Star Spangled Banner are
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
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You think Sherlock Holmes is a
housing project down in Biloxi.
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You think a stock tip is
advice on worming' your hogs.
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You've been married three times
and still have the same in-laws.
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You think TACO BELL is
the Mexican Phone Company
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Your state's got a new law that says
when a couple get divorced,
they are still legally brother and sister.
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Your house still has the
"WIDE LOAD"
sign on the back.
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You got stopped by a state trooper.
He asked you if you had an I.D.
And you said, 'Bout What?'
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Non
Athletic
Sport
Created
Around
Rednecks
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You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
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Your sister is the third generation
of women in your family to
conceive
a baby as a result of an alien abduction.
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If you can burp
and say your name at the same time,
you're shur'nuff a redneck.
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You think Possum is
"The Other White Meat"
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You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
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You hooked up with your present girlfriend
as a result of a message on the wall of
the mens' room at the Flying J Truck Stop.
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The centerpiece on your dining room table
is an original signed work
by a famous taxidermist.
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You think a quarter horse is
a ride out in front of the Wal-Mart. |
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You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
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Your huntin dawg had a litter of puppies in the living room and nobody noticed.
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You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
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You think subdivision is part of a math problem.
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You think there's nothin wrong with incest
as long as you keep it in the family.
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You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree.
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You think God looks a lot like Hank Williams, Jr., and heaven looks a lot like Daytona Beach, Florida.
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Your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.
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You believe dual air bags refer
to your wife and mother-in-law.
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You've got more than
one brother named 'Darryl'.
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You think the OJ Trial was a
Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
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You were acquitted for murdering
your first
wife after she threw
out your Elvis 8-tracks.
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You think watching professional
wrestling is foreplay.
The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors
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Your front porch collapses
and four dogs git killed.
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Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
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Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
You've ever had to scratch your sisters
name out of a message that begins,
"For a good time time call..."
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You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took |
Your whole family is Democrats
'cept little Mary.
She lernt how to read.
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You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph. |
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If you're getting bored with this
Redneck Stuff, Check Out the
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You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
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You have a bumper sticker that says,
"MY MOTHER'S AN HONOR STUDENT
AT SOUTH LITTLE ROCK JR. HIGH."
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You take a six-pack cooler to church.
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Your family tree has no forks.
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You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since
"Smokey and the Bandit" was snubbed for best picture.
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You had to remove a toothpick
for your wedding pictures.
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You use a weedeater in your living room.
You consider your license plate personalized because
your dad
made it in prison.
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You have a rag for a gas cap.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
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The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.
Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.
You have to go outside to get
something out of the 'fridge.
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A seven course meal is a bucket
of KFC and a sixpack.
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One of your kids was born on a pool table.
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You have spray painted your
girlfriend's name on an overpass.
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Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
Someone asks to see your ID and you
show them your belt buckle.
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Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.
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Mailpouch sends you Christmas cards.
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Down where you come from reruns of
Hee Haw are called documentaries. |
Your house doesn't have curtains,
but your truck does.
You need one more hole punched in your card
to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
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You have flowers planted in a
bathroom fixture in your front yard.
On your first date you had to ask your
Dad to borrow the keys to
the tractor.
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You think the Mountain Men in
Deliverance
were just "misunderstood".
If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".
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Three quarters of the clothes you
own have LOGOS on them.
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The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch
has more teeth than your wife.
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Your `huntin dawg' cost more than
the truck you drive him around in.
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Your belt buckle weighs more than three pounds.
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You've been to a funeral and
there were more pick-ups than cars.
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You just bought an 8-track
player to put in your truck.
You've ever climbed a water tower
with a bucket of paint
to defend your sister's honor.
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It's easier to spray weed killer
on your lawn than mow it.
You think the three primary colors are
John Deere Green, Ford Blue, and Primer Gray.
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Your pickup has a two-tone paint job
-- primer red and primer gray.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.
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You've been on TV more than 5 times
describing the sound of a tornado.
Trashy Signs, Snappy One-Liners, & Office Mottos
Click Here
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The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.
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You dated your daddy's current wife in high school.
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Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a
fight over who gets to be the widow.
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You can tell your age by the
number of rings in the bathtub.
You may be a redneck if you ever
used a toilet brush as a back scratcher. |
You can change the oil in your truck
without ducking your head.
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During your senior year you and
your
mother had homeroom together.
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You're a lite beer drinker 'cause you start drinkin beer when it gets light.
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You think the stock market
has fence around it.
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Your stereo speakers used to belong
to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Your entire family has ever sat around
waiting for a call from the Governor
to spare a loved one.
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Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."
You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.
YOU REFER TO THE TIME YOU WON
A FREE CASE OF MOTOR OIL AS
"THE DAY MY SHIP CAME IN."
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The FBI surrounded your trailer park
twice so far this year.
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You use a NASCAR credit card. |
Your brother-in-law is your uncle
AND your grandfather.
you might be a redneck if....
Your parents met at a family reunion.
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You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies
are two of the
major food groups.
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You stare at an orange juice container
because it says,
"CONCENTRATE".
YOUR IDEA OF HIGH-QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT
IS A SIX-PACK AND A BUG-ZAPPER.
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You wonder how service stations
keep their restrooms so clean.
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Anyone in your family died right
after saying, "Hey, y'all watch this!".
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You couldn't learn to swim
because
your gene pool is too small.
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Your wife's job requires her
to wear an orange vest.
You have the local taxidermist's
number on speed dial.
On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.
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Where Do You Want to Go Next? Let Google Take You There!
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Your school fight song is"Dueling Banjos".
You think "taking out the trash"
means taking your in-laws to a movie.
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Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You got Clapper devices controlling
the appliances in your house.
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You think a hot tub is
a stolen bathroom fixture.
The gas pedal on your car
is shaped like a
bare foot.
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They just raised the drinking age in your state to 32
on account of they wanted to keep alcohol out of the schools |
You hammer bottle caps into the
frame of your front door to make it look nice.
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The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
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The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.
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You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
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You've ever been involved in a
custody fight over a hunting dog.
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The KKK kicked you out for being a bigot.
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You think a turtleneck is
a key ingredient for soup.
You think the French
Riviera is a foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
You no longer drink wine ever since
the screw cap got caught up your nose.
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You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
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That billboard that says,
"SAY NO TO CRACK"
reminds you to pull up your jeans.
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Your wife's hairdo was once ruined
by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion
looking for a date.
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You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
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Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
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Your high school basketball game got rained out.
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You've got more than three cousins
named 'Bubba'.
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You have a close relative named "Cletus". |
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You ever won first prize in a tobacco spittin contest.
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You wish your outhouse was as nice
as those at the state park.
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Last year you hid yer kids'
Easter eggs under cow pies.
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Your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or
more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.
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Jack Daniels makes your list
of "Most Admired People"
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Your dog can't watch you eat
without
getting sick.
You think the winter olympic sport of curling
is part of the "Big Hair" competition.
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When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered
and your momma thought it was a gift from God.
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You've painted a car with house paint.
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You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.
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You ever named a child after a dog.
You have more belt-buckles than pants.
You removed the back seat from your
car so all yer kids could fit in.
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You think taking a bubble bath starts
with eating beans for dinner.
Your child's first words were
"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"
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YOU'VE EVER COME HOME
AND FOUND CRIME SCENE TAPE
ACROSS YOUR FRONT PORCH.
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You think a woman who is
"out of your league"
bowls on a different night.
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Our beloved founder,
Elwood J. Krotchbaum, 1896~2006
May he rest in peace.
This page was last updated on
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